Kiss
Puke
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
