we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
