Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize