I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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