And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
