every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
