I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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