Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
