Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
