I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
