How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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