And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
