She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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