i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
