It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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