my phone needs a breathalizer
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
