To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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