Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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