Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
