i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All the doctor said was why
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
