we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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