You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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