My liver just broke up with me...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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