I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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