What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
