Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
