i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
