He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
