Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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