Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
