addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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