I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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