Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
