when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
