who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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