I'm so fucking centered right now
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
