yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
