I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
