If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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