dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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