Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
