We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
