Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't put those talents on a resume
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
