omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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