Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
