By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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