Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
