Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
