I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the day after is always just damage control
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
