bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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