I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize