People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
