I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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