And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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