Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
