Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
