I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
