Already got asked if we're dating
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
