watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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