his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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