I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
