i just had sex bonerless
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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