ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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