So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
