I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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