He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
