i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
