His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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