I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
