My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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