I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
