the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
