Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
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I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I want a musical about memes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize