u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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