I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
