Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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