The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
